The Great Journey of Lent

As some of you know, this whole experiment of 40 Day programs originates for me in the unique choice of 40 days as a time frame for various types of preparation in various spiritual traditions.

Today, being Ash Wednesday, begins one of those 40 day explorations that have been programmed into calendars for millenia.

So I've decided to try another reset-restart moment and begin anew the 40 days I started a couple of weeks ago. The difference this time is that I plan on taking this in a more internal, thoughtful, prayerful, restful direction. I've done a lot of big plans, big changes explorations and they've all met with varying degrees of success.

This time, I'm going to take a bit of E's advice (see... I really do pay attention from time to time) and move things to a slower, more reflective pace.

Personally... I'm curious to see where this takes me.

Act One - Groundhog Day Becomes A Love Supreme

As The Nord pointed out in his comment on the previous post, I'm now nearly two weeks into this new cycle... so what have I learned and how am I doing... any way?

Two weeks on... exploring the directions that I want to go, the last 12 days have been a definite first act, finding the characters, learning the landscape (again) spending time noticing what the content of my life is really about.

The supremely (the pun was unintended but I've decided to keep it anyway) beautiful "A Love Supreme" by John Coltrane is playing as I write this and the structure which Coltrane places into his musical magnum opus (and in my opinion, the best recording ever made) reflects most particularly what I am feeling at the moment... Acknowledgement is the name of the first movement, and acknowledgement - facing, looking, considering, and nodding at my life as if it is a friend on the other side of a crowded room - is what the last 12 days have been like.

Over the last two weeks I have been extremely busy with a recording project, a set of personal dramas within the local club I am a part of, raising money in order to get through the "new world order," and searching through the ways to put all my plans (enumerated below) into motion. It's been a frenetic, thoroughly unbalanced and only minimally productive period of time. There's a lot going on, but most days it really seems like sitting on a stationary bike, peddling my ass off, and getting absolutely nowhere.

So, yesterday, in the midst of all the craziness, I simply stopped to lift my head up and take a look around.

Acknowledgement:

1. an act of acknowledging.
2. recognition of the existence or truth of something: the acknowledgment of a sovereign power.
3. an expression of appreciation.
4. a thing done or given in appreciation or gratitude.

As in the beautiful pattern of Coltrane's piece, the first act is about recognizing the reality of the life I have. It's about looking, but not just looking, it's about SEEING what's in front of me. Only then is it possible to begin working with what's there. This is really not that different from what I was talking about in the last post. As I think about it, the key to the basic idea in Groundhog Day is that the main character must first notice what's going on before he can begin to transform that reality.

So there we are... Act One - Acknowledgement

Taking the time to look and to see
Paying attention to the patterns as they unfold
Recognizing what feels right
Seeking to find the thread

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Thanks again to The Nord. I discovered a new blog this morning by a photographer from San Francisco, Rebecca Jackrel, She is presently out on a true 40 Days to Life adventure, which frankly makes my repetitive attempts at a search for meaning seem like so much cream of wheat (and I really hate cream of wheat!).

From Groundhog Day to the Ides of March

So here we go again... It's Groundhog Day and as I mentioned in my Quicksilver blog, I've decided to use Punxatawny Phil's annual prediction to jump start another 40 Days to Life.

It's been just over a month since I abandoned the last program and in that time a lot of things have sprung up. It's been a chaotic, crazy, distracting time and I am feeling the need of a focus, a set of goals, and a plan to bring me back to some kind of driving potential that lets me feel like I'm "getting somewhere."

So what do I hope to accomplish this time around?

Here's my Day One list... It's in no particular order, and subject to change without notice.

Physical - I am FINALLY going to start running again - My 40 Day Goal is an across the Bay 12K on March 15.

Creative - I will finish the first draft of my novel, Dan and Dianne and the screenplay for The Reunion.

Business - Finish the incorporation of Quicksilver Amusements, select and begin ONE new production project. Begin the process of finding a new agent.

Educational - Begin learning French (again).

Income - I have an income goal, but I'm going to keep that to myself.

Personal - I will finish and submit my application for Irish citizenship. As with the above, I have other personal goals but I'm going to keep those to myself.

Spiritual - Continue daily meditation discipline - Journal at Bleeding Daylight.

Throughout the process, there are several things that I have picked up over the previous iterations of this process that work and that I intend to keep.

These include:

• A clear and intentional relational connection. I will actively engage and be involved with the people I have been given to inhabit and nurture my heart.

• Daily meditation practice.

• Continued attention to my diet and my health (most people probably do this as a matter of course... not me... I have to focus on it).

• Email/Internet discipline - Email checks three times a day... Weekly Digital Sabbath.

• Volunteer activities and charitable giving.

• A weekly afternoon committed to volunteering, personal growth, education, and friendship.

Here we go!

40.3.30 - Taking a HOLIDAY!

Okay... I should have known better than to take on yet another 40 day plan during the holiday season.

There's a reason it's called "THE HOLIDAY SEASON!"

Like I said in the previous post, winter is a time of hibernation and despite everything we as humans do to pretend like we are not subject to such "laws of nature" the fact is... we are.

SO... rather than continue battling the inevitable, I've decided to do what I have wanted to do for years. I'm declaring myself "on vacation" until January 15th. Unfortunately, this isn't going to mean that I get to go off to Hawaii for the next three weeks. It doesn't even mean that I will be able to drop out of several of my ongoing work projects, however, it does mean that I am going to take a break from 40 Days and I am going to spend a lot of time reflecting on what I've learned in these three series. I'll probably be blogging on that at least a little bit, so check back in from time to time.

I WILL be taking some significant periods of personal time to read, journal and plan for the new year. I am hoping to spend some days in my own retreat (either with a group or on my own) during this time, and I expect to start a new 40 Day series (or something similar that might grow out of these next few weeks of reflection) on Monday January 19.

In the meantime... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

40.3.20 - Halfway Home... Again

The third week of the third program was an interesting mix of personal struggle, and good movement forward. The winter tie (especially in a crisis economy) is not exactly the best time for trying to make progress on the business front. To a lesser extent it's also true of the personal front.

There's a reason animals go into hibernation in the winter!

Nevertheless... The up side of the week has been an incredible sense of clarity and groundedness in the midst of what, at previous points in my life, would have been devastating frustration and a likely derailment of everything I was working on.

I am absolutely not there this time, and the primary reason that I am not is because of the steadiness of these 40 Day programs. It certainly isn't magic... it's just forward movement.

In addition to this movement, I am also finding deeper and deeper solace in a wintry solitude. This experience tends to echoed on a daily basis by the readings I am doing in Thomas Merton and by the research I am doing to create a play on his life and death and the greater meanings therein.

With the arrival of the winter solstice I also arrive at one of my long time goals... a mid-winter vacation. It's not going to happen this year, at least not in the way that I might have hoped. However, i will be dropping some of the greater agitation of daily projects to spend more and more time thinking, reflecting, meditating, and writing.

If there is one thing that has come out of the entire 4 months of studying myself and tweaking this process, it is the strength and beauty of seeking, finding, and nurturing the central core of my being.

I feel as if I have once again come to the center of the labyrinth and it is time to stop, to center, and to look inward.

For the remaining three weeks of this series, THAT is going to be my primary activity.

That said... I have some big ideas too. I'll touch more on them next week.

40.3.15 - Safe!

As I mentioned while I was in the middle of it, the second week of this series has been something of a strange and somewhat frustrating experience, but here I am on another Monday... beginning the third week of this series, and the confusion has lifted considerably.

The weekend, while not as relaxing as most have been of late, proved to be the respite I needed. It was a place to center again, catch up on the stray pieces and settle the dust.

Starting this week, I am encouraged, focused, and excited.

Each step really does feel like it gets me closer... even when, at the time it's happening, I feel like I'm traveling in reverse.

40.3.11 - Channeling Dana Carvey

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with my brain on fire with things I need to do, hopes I hold, and just on the edge of worry over the near term fate of just about everything.

Somewhere within the 90 minutes between 4 am when I woke up and 5:30 am when I fell back to sleep, I heard the voice of Dana Carvey impersonating George The First, "Stay the Course... Thousand points o' light."

The thing is... I'm thinking that's just exactly right.

WIth this morning's meditation I picked up my small labyrinth and "walked the path" that literally kept me sane during the two years immediately following Katrina. As I moved along the circuit of the labyrinth it was clear to me again that one of the beauties of this discipline for me is the sense that you are going forward, moving in toward the center or out from the center, even when you've made a 180 degree switchback. You are closer to your goal, even when it seems you are farther away. In fact, the furthest point out on the circuit is just a short distance before you reach the center.

This awareness of progress when progress seems invisible is the awareness that really matters, especially when things look bad. Even when things don't work.

Keep moving forward... keep showing up... or as Tom Waits puts it, "Always keep a diamond in your mind."