One thing you can pretty much count on (or at least I can pretty much count on, I won't speak for you) is that the first hints of Fall... the Halloween/Day of the Dead period... will most assuredly bring me the old post-nasal drip, leading to a full out hacking coughing cold accompanied by little energy and less ambition.
Welcome to late October!
The last two days have been that kind of experience.
The good news, however, is that I've actually been able to stay pretty solidly on the things I'm working on. Work's been a challenge, but it hasn't been abandoned. Life goals sort of fade off into thick haze where my head feels like it's a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon, but for the most part I am able to hold them lightly and intentionally and keep more or less on track.
Like the song says... I'm still here!
I attribute THAT fact to the groundwork I laid last month, the daily meditation I continue to work with, and a certain sense of openess and humor that has recently become an interesting side-effect of the whole process.
Onward... Through the fog!!!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Part Two - Days 6,7 & 8
Late To The Party... Just In Time
Another terrific weekend. Time from work. Time to help out. Time to reflect. Time to have fun.
Most people reading this probably think this scenario is pretty ridiculous. What's to be so pleased about in "taking time off?"
Nothing... except... THAT, in fact, would be the point.
For pretty much my entire adult life I almost never took any time off. At the same time, I didn't work a "normal job" like most people. I didn't clock in at 9 and out at 5. I didn't have scheduled weeks of paid vacation, I didn't have health insurance, etc. etc. etc. I was fortunate enough throughout my daughter's young life (and that of my "step-kids" as well) to be the parent who was at home, because I worked at home. The problem was, that while I had the opportunity to volunteer at my daughter's school, to pick her up and take her to friends, to play the music she danced to in the living room, and to make dinner almost every night, I was also the person who basically never stopped working. I almost never took time off. We rarely spent time "as a family." I got up early in the morning and went to bed late at night, sitting at the computer while all of life ran around me. I had one eye on the kids, one hand in the kitchen, and almost never ANY complete presence to the moment. I was spinning plates, and while I only lost a few to spills and crashes and flying saucers, I also missed out on much.
That is probably the greatest sadness of my life.
What began for me a little over a year ago, has, with these 40 day plans, come to full flower. I am finally, for the first time in my life, finding out what all the fuss is about. I am learning that getting away from the work, not only makes your life better, it makes the WORK better too.
Hence, the story of Day 8... a day of long hours and as yet unfinished business, ALL spent doing what I most want to do... WRITING.
Writing... and getting paid for it.
If there is one target goal in all of this (and there really are many, but if there WERE just one) it would be that one. To write for a living.
The dream is in fact slowly coming true. Resting and reflecting and not simply barreling full speed ahead is the process that is making it happen.
Why couldn't I have learned this 30 years ago?
Most people reading this probably think this scenario is pretty ridiculous. What's to be so pleased about in "taking time off?"
Nothing... except... THAT, in fact, would be the point.
For pretty much my entire adult life I almost never took any time off. At the same time, I didn't work a "normal job" like most people. I didn't clock in at 9 and out at 5. I didn't have scheduled weeks of paid vacation, I didn't have health insurance, etc. etc. etc. I was fortunate enough throughout my daughter's young life (and that of my "step-kids" as well) to be the parent who was at home, because I worked at home. The problem was, that while I had the opportunity to volunteer at my daughter's school, to pick her up and take her to friends, to play the music she danced to in the living room, and to make dinner almost every night, I was also the person who basically never stopped working. I almost never took time off. We rarely spent time "as a family." I got up early in the morning and went to bed late at night, sitting at the computer while all of life ran around me. I had one eye on the kids, one hand in the kitchen, and almost never ANY complete presence to the moment. I was spinning plates, and while I only lost a few to spills and crashes and flying saucers, I also missed out on much.
That is probably the greatest sadness of my life.
What began for me a little over a year ago, has, with these 40 day plans, come to full flower. I am finally, for the first time in my life, finding out what all the fuss is about. I am learning that getting away from the work, not only makes your life better, it makes the WORK better too.
Hence, the story of Day 8... a day of long hours and as yet unfinished business, ALL spent doing what I most want to do... WRITING.
Writing... and getting paid for it.
If there is one target goal in all of this (and there really are many, but if there WERE just one) it would be that one. To write for a living.
The dream is in fact slowly coming true. Resting and reflecting and not simply barreling full speed ahead is the process that is making it happen.
Why couldn't I have learned this 30 years ago?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Part Two - Day 5 - Stepping Into The River Twice
Coming to the end of the first week... a second time around... I thought that things would be mo' different than they are. I have had, just as I did 6 weeks ago, a difficult week of settling into my plans, finding my stride getting things into some kind of orderly and productive reality.
The last two days have both been pretty chaotic, while at the same time definitely being more productive than similar days used to be.
What I'm trying to say is that while SOME things are still pretty much as they were, the differences are significant. The base changes I made have helped me through my weaknesses and I feel like, while I am starting over again, I am not starting over from the same place. The classic saying about not being able to step into the same river twice is clearly at work here. Despite the fact that my days, my work, and my attitudes have changed very little... they have in fact changed much.
What has remained the same, I see ways of altering.
I'm pretty excited about this... I don't quite know where it's all going... but it's definitely going somewhere good.
The last two days have both been pretty chaotic, while at the same time definitely being more productive than similar days used to be.
What I'm trying to say is that while SOME things are still pretty much as they were, the differences are significant. The base changes I made have helped me through my weaknesses and I feel like, while I am starting over again, I am not starting over from the same place. The classic saying about not being able to step into the same river twice is clearly at work here. Despite the fact that my days, my work, and my attitudes have changed very little... they have in fact changed much.
What has remained the same, I see ways of altering.
I'm pretty excited about this... I don't quite know where it's all going... but it's definitely going somewhere good.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Part Two - Day 2 - If I am not better...
So the day did not fit into my beautiful plan... BUT it fit pretty well into the the rest of my life.
Good work... good connections... good plans... and, at least potentially, good income.
It's been a day where I really do feel like I'm working off a new and stronger base. Many realities are still the same, but overall I am better able to handle the twists and turns (I jumped on TOP of the car hood this time).
I've got some new plans for tomorrow as well... But there is definitely momentum and I'm feeling good about it.
"If I am not better, at least I am different." - Jean Jacques Rousseau
Good work... good connections... good plans... and, at least potentially, good income.
It's been a day where I really do feel like I'm working off a new and stronger base. Many realities are still the same, but overall I am better able to handle the twists and turns (I jumped on TOP of the car hood this time).
I've got some new plans for tomorrow as well... But there is definitely momentum and I'm feeling good about it.
"If I am not better, at least I am different." - Jean Jacques Rousseau
Monday, October 20, 2008
40 Days 2.0 - Day 1
Okay... here we go again.
I spent much of the day (among many other things) pondering what structure to give to an ongoing process to move forward on the things from last month that I still want to work on.
Following the exact same schedule as the previous 6 weeks, and ending in 40 days has the advantage of arriving at day 39 on Thanksgiving Day, and Day 40 two days before the beginning of Advent. this works for me in my weirdly convoluted symbiosis of pagan, neo-pagan, christian, buddhist, and "american" ritualistic constructs.
So.... another 40 Days it is.
I've got some slightly different plans for this go 'round, as well as a sense that I am working from the base that I talked about in the previous post.
Like living inside a sine wave... my intention is to create a congruity that magnifies the resulting wave form rather than countering and diminishing it. That is to say, I want to make the wave, and its subsequent effect, bigger not smaller.
I've got more to say on that... but I think I'll save it for later.
Like we always used to say at the end of the roller coaster.... "Let's go again!!!"
I spent much of the day (among many other things) pondering what structure to give to an ongoing process to move forward on the things from last month that I still want to work on.
Following the exact same schedule as the previous 6 weeks, and ending in 40 days has the advantage of arriving at day 39 on Thanksgiving Day, and Day 40 two days before the beginning of Advent. this works for me in my weirdly convoluted symbiosis of pagan, neo-pagan, christian, buddhist, and "american" ritualistic constructs.
So.... another 40 Days it is.
I've got some slightly different plans for this go 'round, as well as a sense that I am working from the base that I talked about in the previous post.
Like living inside a sine wave... my intention is to create a congruity that magnifies the resulting wave form rather than countering and diminishing it. That is to say, I want to make the wave, and its subsequent effect, bigger not smaller.
I've got more to say on that... but I think I'll save it for later.
Like we always used to say at the end of the roller coaster.... "Let's go again!!!"
Day 43 - What's Next?
I spent Saturday and Sunday resting, playing, spending time with my daughter and her hubby, seeing a great play, going to church and staring off at the waters of the bay. Mostly I have rested and thought. The last six weeks have given me much to reflect on and I am trying to find a better way of incorporating that necessary reflection into the daily schedule.
So... What was accomplished in the 40 Days?
• I have improved my meditation practice with at least once a day sitting… Striving for twice a day, but not there yet
• Have begun a more solid reading and journaling routine. Every day reading and reflection
• Have finally begun a true rest and recuperation routine for weekends, removing myself almost completely from the internet dance for two days a week
• Established, and have mostly kept up with a plan to regulate email intake/obsession to three times a day… It is my new goal to reduce this to twice daily
• By organizing my financial and business records I have increased my follow through and income
• To that end I succeeded in covering my rent and bills before they were due
• I have begun paying back some old debts
• I have begun a new running routine, though it did not reach the level I had targeted
• I have begun studying French
• I have improved my diet, though again, more needs to be done to reach my actual goal
• I have begun new medical followup, including having necessary blood tests, and finding a new doctor
• I have been more personally awake and aware and intentional about my daily business, personal, and interpersonal dealings
I did not:
• Complete any of the several writing projects I had targeted for completion
• Seek out a new agent
• Reach my target weekly income
• Complete incorporation, budget and investment materials for new business development
• Start saving or giving to the extent I had targeted
• Start playing guitar again
• Apply for my passport
• Get new health insurance
• Surf
--
From both my own sense of what the last six weeks have felt like, and from looking at the list of tasks I pulled off, started, and didn’t even get to, it seems like this last 40 days has been a sort of ground laying process.
As with building a house… The basics have now been laid out. Most of the architecture has been completed, the framing is mostly there and the foundation has been poured (though I’m not sure that it’s quite dry).
There is, however, no there there.
What I feel is necessary now is to return to the tasks I did not accomplish… study why and why not, evaluate the extent to which they are still valuable and whether there are things I want to either remove or add.
THEN… I want to start again.
What I have not fully decided is when to start again and how to alter the plan. At this point the process feels like the first steps of a small child. It is only by continuing those steps that I feel I will gain the real momentum that I have been seeking over the last six weeks. I must build upon what I just finished. I do not want to start all over again...I want to continue.
It isn’t time to stop… It’s time to keep going.
In the words of one of my all-time favorite television characters - President Bartlett on The West Wing - "What's next?"
So... What was accomplished in the 40 Days?
• I have improved my meditation practice with at least once a day sitting… Striving for twice a day, but not there yet
• Have begun a more solid reading and journaling routine. Every day reading and reflection
• Have finally begun a true rest and recuperation routine for weekends, removing myself almost completely from the internet dance for two days a week
• Established, and have mostly kept up with a plan to regulate email intake/obsession to three times a day… It is my new goal to reduce this to twice daily
• By organizing my financial and business records I have increased my follow through and income
• To that end I succeeded in covering my rent and bills before they were due
• I have begun paying back some old debts
• I have begun a new running routine, though it did not reach the level I had targeted
• I have begun studying French
• I have improved my diet, though again, more needs to be done to reach my actual goal
• I have begun new medical followup, including having necessary blood tests, and finding a new doctor
• I have been more personally awake and aware and intentional about my daily business, personal, and interpersonal dealings
I did not:
• Complete any of the several writing projects I had targeted for completion
• Seek out a new agent
• Reach my target weekly income
• Complete incorporation, budget and investment materials for new business development
• Start saving or giving to the extent I had targeted
• Start playing guitar again
• Apply for my passport
• Get new health insurance
• Surf
--
From both my own sense of what the last six weeks have felt like, and from looking at the list of tasks I pulled off, started, and didn’t even get to, it seems like this last 40 days has been a sort of ground laying process.
As with building a house… The basics have now been laid out. Most of the architecture has been completed, the framing is mostly there and the foundation has been poured (though I’m not sure that it’s quite dry).
There is, however, no there there.
What I feel is necessary now is to return to the tasks I did not accomplish… study why and why not, evaluate the extent to which they are still valuable and whether there are things I want to either remove or add.
THEN… I want to start again.
What I have not fully decided is when to start again and how to alter the plan. At this point the process feels like the first steps of a small child. It is only by continuing those steps that I feel I will gain the real momentum that I have been seeking over the last six weeks. I must build upon what I just finished. I do not want to start all over again...I want to continue.
It isn’t time to stop… It’s time to keep going.
In the words of one of my all-time favorite television characters - President Bartlett on The West Wing - "What's next?"
Friday, October 17, 2008
Day 40 - The Finish Line?
So... Here I am... Six weeks later.
For the last several days the biggest thing on my mind has been what do I do now?
I've even given a lot of thought to what to say right here and right now, but I'm feeling uncharacteristically speechless at the moment, so I think I'll just leave the words (and music) to Robert Earl Keen.
As for the rest... I'll have to get back to ya on that.
For the last several days the biggest thing on my mind has been what do I do now?
I've even given a lot of thought to what to say right here and right now, but I'm feeling uncharacteristically speechless at the moment, so I think I'll just leave the words (and music) to Robert Earl Keen.
As for the rest... I'll have to get back to ya on that.
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