Okay... I should have known better than to take on yet another 40 day plan during the holiday season.
There's a reason it's called "THE HOLIDAY SEASON!"
Like I said in the previous post, winter is a time of hibernation and despite everything we as humans do to pretend like we are not subject to such "laws of nature" the fact is... we are.
SO... rather than continue battling the inevitable, I've decided to do what I have wanted to do for years. I'm declaring myself "on vacation" until January 15th. Unfortunately, this isn't going to mean that I get to go off to Hawaii for the next three weeks. It doesn't even mean that I will be able to drop out of several of my ongoing work projects, however, it does mean that I am going to take a break from 40 Days and I am going to spend a lot of time reflecting on what I've learned in these three series. I'll probably be blogging on that at least a little bit, so check back in from time to time.
I WILL be taking some significant periods of personal time to read, journal and plan for the new year. I am hoping to spend some days in my own retreat (either with a group or on my own) during this time, and I expect to start a new 40 Day series (or something similar that might grow out of these next few weeks of reflection) on Monday January 19.
In the meantime... HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
40.3.20 - Halfway Home... Again
The third week of the third program was an interesting mix of personal struggle, and good movement forward. The winter tie (especially in a crisis economy) is not exactly the best time for trying to make progress on the business front. To a lesser extent it's also true of the personal front.
There's a reason animals go into hibernation in the winter!
Nevertheless... The up side of the week has been an incredible sense of clarity and groundedness in the midst of what, at previous points in my life, would have been devastating frustration and a likely derailment of everything I was working on.
I am absolutely not there this time, and the primary reason that I am not is because of the steadiness of these 40 Day programs. It certainly isn't magic... it's just forward movement.
In addition to this movement, I am also finding deeper and deeper solace in a wintry solitude. This experience tends to echoed on a daily basis by the readings I am doing in Thomas Merton and by the research I am doing to create a play on his life and death and the greater meanings therein.
With the arrival of the winter solstice I also arrive at one of my long time goals... a mid-winter vacation. It's not going to happen this year, at least not in the way that I might have hoped. However, i will be dropping some of the greater agitation of daily projects to spend more and more time thinking, reflecting, meditating, and writing.
If there is one thing that has come out of the entire 4 months of studying myself and tweaking this process, it is the strength and beauty of seeking, finding, and nurturing the central core of my being.
I feel as if I have once again come to the center of the labyrinth and it is time to stop, to center, and to look inward.
For the remaining three weeks of this series, THAT is going to be my primary activity.
That said... I have some big ideas too. I'll touch more on them next week.
There's a reason animals go into hibernation in the winter!
Nevertheless... The up side of the week has been an incredible sense of clarity and groundedness in the midst of what, at previous points in my life, would have been devastating frustration and a likely derailment of everything I was working on.
I am absolutely not there this time, and the primary reason that I am not is because of the steadiness of these 40 Day programs. It certainly isn't magic... it's just forward movement.
In addition to this movement, I am also finding deeper and deeper solace in a wintry solitude. This experience tends to echoed on a daily basis by the readings I am doing in Thomas Merton and by the research I am doing to create a play on his life and death and the greater meanings therein.
With the arrival of the winter solstice I also arrive at one of my long time goals... a mid-winter vacation. It's not going to happen this year, at least not in the way that I might have hoped. However, i will be dropping some of the greater agitation of daily projects to spend more and more time thinking, reflecting, meditating, and writing.
If there is one thing that has come out of the entire 4 months of studying myself and tweaking this process, it is the strength and beauty of seeking, finding, and nurturing the central core of my being.
I feel as if I have once again come to the center of the labyrinth and it is time to stop, to center, and to look inward.
For the remaining three weeks of this series, THAT is going to be my primary activity.
That said... I have some big ideas too. I'll touch more on them next week.
Monday, December 15, 2008
40.3.15 - Safe!
As I mentioned while I was in the middle of it, the second week of this series has been something of a strange and somewhat frustrating experience, but here I am on another Monday... beginning the third week of this series, and the confusion has lifted considerably.
The weekend, while not as relaxing as most have been of late, proved to be the respite I needed. It was a place to center again, catch up on the stray pieces and settle the dust.
Starting this week, I am encouraged, focused, and excited.
Each step really does feel like it gets me closer... even when, at the time it's happening, I feel like I'm traveling in reverse.
The weekend, while not as relaxing as most have been of late, proved to be the respite I needed. It was a place to center again, catch up on the stray pieces and settle the dust.
Starting this week, I am encouraged, focused, and excited.
Each step really does feel like it gets me closer... even when, at the time it's happening, I feel like I'm traveling in reverse.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
40.3.11 - Channeling Dana Carvey
I woke up at 4:00 this morning with my brain on fire with things I need to do, hopes I hold, and just on the edge of worry over the near term fate of just about everything.Somewhere within the 90 minutes between 4 am when I woke up and 5:30 am when I fell back to sleep, I heard the voice of Dana Carvey impersonating George The First, "Stay the Course... Thousand points o' light."
The thing is... I'm thinking that's just exactly right.
WIth this morning's meditation I picked up my small labyrinth and "walked the path" that literally kept me sane during the two years immediately following Katrina. As I moved along the circuit of the labyrinth it was clear to me again that one of the beauties of this discipline for me is the sense that you are going forward, moving in toward the center or out from the center, even when you've made a 180 degree switchback. You are closer to your goal, even when it seems you are farther away. In fact, the furthest point out on the circuit is just a short distance before you reach the center.
This awareness of progress when progress seems invisible is the awareness that really matters, especially when things look bad. Even when things don't work.
Keep moving forward... keep showing up... or as Tom Waits puts it, "Always keep a diamond in your mind."
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
40.3.10b - It's The Economy Stupid
This entire program of 40 Day slots has been integrally tied to, among other things, a process of getting my finances in order and following in on a whole collection of ways to plant myself more solidly on financial ground.
For the first series things went pretty well. For the second series enough was still working, and enough improvements had been made that I was feeling pretty strong and pretty positive despite the beginnings of truly dire economic circumstances.
At this juncture, this is no longer the case, and this week has been the perfect nightmare of complete financial, and subsequently planning, meltdown. Accounts that owe me money are not paying, and don't look like they are going to pay any time soon. Projects that were strong and on the table have been canceled or seriously dialed back and other plans that seemed virtually bullet proof two months ago are now hanging precariously off the cliff of "we're not sure what we're going to be doing in the next few months."
The effect of all this is to not only turn my financial plans into turmoil, but my emotional, spiritual, and practical plans as well.
In other words... this week has been something close to a complete meltdown.
So this is, as an old preacher I used to listen to always said, "where the rubber meets the road."
The real test of whether this structure I am trying to build my life around has any validity at all hangs completely on the question of whether I can keep my sanity, my personal strength, and my focus while everything around me is crashing down. Can I keep my commitments? Can I reach, at least some of, my goals?
The proof of whether any of the work I've done over the last 90 days is truly worthwhile will come now.
Will it help me through this quagmire?
Can I make it past THIS wall?
If I can... I think I'm home free!
For the first series things went pretty well. For the second series enough was still working, and enough improvements had been made that I was feeling pretty strong and pretty positive despite the beginnings of truly dire economic circumstances.
At this juncture, this is no longer the case, and this week has been the perfect nightmare of complete financial, and subsequently planning, meltdown. Accounts that owe me money are not paying, and don't look like they are going to pay any time soon. Projects that were strong and on the table have been canceled or seriously dialed back and other plans that seemed virtually bullet proof two months ago are now hanging precariously off the cliff of "we're not sure what we're going to be doing in the next few months."
The effect of all this is to not only turn my financial plans into turmoil, but my emotional, spiritual, and practical plans as well.
In other words... this week has been something close to a complete meltdown.
So this is, as an old preacher I used to listen to always said, "where the rubber meets the road."
The real test of whether this structure I am trying to build my life around has any validity at all hangs completely on the question of whether I can keep my sanity, my personal strength, and my focus while everything around me is crashing down. Can I keep my commitments? Can I reach, at least some of, my goals?
The proof of whether any of the work I've done over the last 90 days is truly worthwhile will come now.
Will it help me through this quagmire?
Can I make it past THIS wall?
If I can... I think I'm home free!
40.3.10 - Every Human Has Rights
Every Human Has Rights - Campaign Highlights from Every Human Has Rights on Vimeo.
It may seem strange for me to put this video and this link on this blog (I've got so many other places I could put it), but I have a very definite reason for placing it here.
Today's 60th anniversary of the International Declaration of Human Rights is quite personal to me and it serves to accent one of the main goals that I have held at the forefront of the entire 40 Days program; a goal which I have yet to bring to fruition.
The goal itself is to give at least 10% of my income, and spend 10% of my time in the pursuit of a better way of living in this world and a better life for all. There have been times in the past when I have succeeded in giving away 10% of my income to worthy causes, and there have been other times when I have spent large amounts of time (significantly more than 10% probably) working for things that I believe make the world better.
However... I've had my mind and my time occupied with other things in recent years and I have not done nearly what I believe I should... or I want... to honestly improve the world, to seek the welfare of this blue ball I live on, and to work that all people are safe, and healthy, and maybe even happy.
This anniversary, and the work of those connected to this day, call me again to action.
This is a goal I MUST achieve.
What about you?
Friday, December 5, 2008
40.3.5 - Runnin' Down A Dream
One week down, and it's been an interesting week.
I've got a number of irons in the fire (not exactly an uncommon reality for me) and juggling those bits and pieces, or spinning the plates so they don't become bits and pieces... Let's just see how many metaphors we can slam into one sentence, shall we?
Beginning this plan for the third time back to back provides an interesting perspective since I don't really give myself time to slack off the basic process. As I have said before, there are some givens:
1) I have created, over the last 3 months, a basically solid platform from which to launch further efforts. This is something that I've never adequately done before and it's kind of startling what a difference it makes in my general mindset.
2) I have also gotten some of the detritus (emotional, relational, practical, and financial) of the last several years out of my way and like crawling on top of a hill to survey the landscape (I have been to the mountaintop! sorry... sorry), I am now able to see where I might go with significantly more clarity than at any time in my life. There's something to be said for getting rid of clutter... My grandmother used to say that if you've lost something, clean up the house. There's a line in one of my favorite films where Bill Bailey tells Bruce Dern, "Your mother always said that when you can't figure out your life... Clean up your nest."
I'm just sayin'.
In any case... the issue at this point in time is, as I have said before, where do I go from here?
One of the things that I'm relatively certain about is that I need to work with the goals and plans I have and set them up in some kind of order that distinguishes them into different aspects of my life.
What I'm saying here is that I have been self-employed in a multitude of activities (with varying degrees of success) for my entire adult life. While that has some serious lifestyle advantages, one of the more problematic issues in that arrangement is the fact that it's generally quite difficult to separate what I do from who I am. For a significant period of my life, that was okay... problematic, but okay. It seems to me that most people have an easier time with this because for them the distinction is already made... the "job" is the work and home is home. For me they almost always squish together.
What I have been learning of late is that there is great value in pulling them apart.
With this new process in which I have begun to figure out how to separate from my work... and separate my life from my work... I find that I need a clearer division, both for ME and for my WORK.
It's also clear that my DREAMS need this division.
There's a sense in which dreams (something everyone truly needs; they are the lifeblood of imagination) need attention and clarity to thrive. Dreams are the soft side... goals are where "the rubber meets the road" as they used to say.
So this is the next stage... the next connection. I am seeking in this phase to separate work and life. I'm not separating them completely (I really don't think I could), but I'm seeking to address them from separate areas of my brain. I am also seeking to set up clear goals with definite temporal targets... distinct objectives along the way... and ways to separate the different things I want to achieve so that they don't all glom together into one big tangled mess.
This is the trajectory for the next five weeks... Intentional and enthusiastic pursuit of the dream.
I've got a number of irons in the fire (not exactly an uncommon reality for me) and juggling those bits and pieces, or spinning the plates so they don't become bits and pieces... Let's just see how many metaphors we can slam into one sentence, shall we?
Beginning this plan for the third time back to back provides an interesting perspective since I don't really give myself time to slack off the basic process. As I have said before, there are some givens:
1) I have created, over the last 3 months, a basically solid platform from which to launch further efforts. This is something that I've never adequately done before and it's kind of startling what a difference it makes in my general mindset.
2) I have also gotten some of the detritus (emotional, relational, practical, and financial) of the last several years out of my way and like crawling on top of a hill to survey the landscape (I have been to the mountaintop! sorry... sorry), I am now able to see where I might go with significantly more clarity than at any time in my life. There's something to be said for getting rid of clutter... My grandmother used to say that if you've lost something, clean up the house. There's a line in one of my favorite films where Bill Bailey tells Bruce Dern, "Your mother always said that when you can't figure out your life... Clean up your nest."
I'm just sayin'.
In any case... the issue at this point in time is, as I have said before, where do I go from here?
One of the things that I'm relatively certain about is that I need to work with the goals and plans I have and set them up in some kind of order that distinguishes them into different aspects of my life.
What I'm saying here is that I have been self-employed in a multitude of activities (with varying degrees of success) for my entire adult life. While that has some serious lifestyle advantages, one of the more problematic issues in that arrangement is the fact that it's generally quite difficult to separate what I do from who I am. For a significant period of my life, that was okay... problematic, but okay. It seems to me that most people have an easier time with this because for them the distinction is already made... the "job" is the work and home is home. For me they almost always squish together.
What I have been learning of late is that there is great value in pulling them apart.
With this new process in which I have begun to figure out how to separate from my work... and separate my life from my work... I find that I need a clearer division, both for ME and for my WORK.
It's also clear that my DREAMS need this division.
There's a sense in which dreams (something everyone truly needs; they are the lifeblood of imagination) need attention and clarity to thrive. Dreams are the soft side... goals are where "the rubber meets the road" as they used to say.
So this is the next stage... the next connection. I am seeking in this phase to separate work and life. I'm not separating them completely (I really don't think I could), but I'm seeking to address them from separate areas of my brain. I am also seeking to set up clear goals with definite temporal targets... distinct objectives along the way... and ways to separate the different things I want to achieve so that they don't all glom together into one big tangled mess.
This is the trajectory for the next five weeks... Intentional and enthusiastic pursuit of the dream.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
40.3.3 - Process Is Product
So here I am at the keyboard... three days into a new set of 40.
What do I have behind me?
I have a solid foundation of work (both creative work and practical/woodshedding work) on a schedule that, while it may sometimes get derailed temporarily by the exigencies of any given day, pretty much keeps me on track.
I have found a way to intentionally (rather than accidentally) find rest and nurturance in my hours, days, and weeks.
I have begun putting several bits and pieces of my life back together after letting them fall apart almost completely after Katrina and I have started work on physical and educational disciplines I keep talking about doing but rarely get around to.
Now I'm ready to do more.
One of my goals (perhaps the primary goal) for this time around is to continue whittling away at that schedule... increasing the time I spend on the creative and expansive while decreasing the time and increasing the productivity of the woodshed work. And that actually seems to be a lot of what this process is becoming across the board; a sort of chipping away at the extraneous material that fills up life without product, enlightenment, or reward, then honing down and polishing what's left in order to bring out the heart of what I want. It's not unlike the process of sculpting something in clay.
There is a very real sense in which it's beginning to look like The Process is the real point of the whole endeavor.
What do I have behind me?
I have a solid foundation of work (both creative work and practical/woodshedding work) on a schedule that, while it may sometimes get derailed temporarily by the exigencies of any given day, pretty much keeps me on track.
I have found a way to intentionally (rather than accidentally) find rest and nurturance in my hours, days, and weeks.
I have begun putting several bits and pieces of my life back together after letting them fall apart almost completely after Katrina and I have started work on physical and educational disciplines I keep talking about doing but rarely get around to.
Now I'm ready to do more.
One of my goals (perhaps the primary goal) for this time around is to continue whittling away at that schedule... increasing the time I spend on the creative and expansive while decreasing the time and increasing the productivity of the woodshed work. And that actually seems to be a lot of what this process is becoming across the board; a sort of chipping away at the extraneous material that fills up life without product, enlightenment, or reward, then honing down and polishing what's left in order to bring out the heart of what I want. It's not unlike the process of sculpting something in clay.
There is a very real sense in which it's beginning to look like The Process is the real point of the whole endeavor.
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