I think I see that Green Flash...

That's it for this one... no more 40... 60... 90... or 100 day moments.

What is...is. What's now... is now.

Thank you for playing.

Cheers!

Day 2 - Night Visitor

During those times when I conscientiously discipline myself to spend intentional time at creative pursuit a very interesting thing almost always happens... My dreams get weird!

I'm not talking about my daydreams (they're pretty much weird all the time), or my goals, plans, etc. I'm talking about the long theatrically surreal excursions that I take in the nighttime. I have a pretty vivid dreamlife most of the time,and I regularly write down my nocturnal experiences and try to bring a modicum of reflective energy to understanding them on a fairly regular basis. But the dreams I have when I am more intentionally in creative mode, get downright personal... and fast. Thus was it the case last night.

I went to bed at about 11:00 pm with the intention of waking up some time in the wee hours in order to go catch a glimpse of the Leonid meteor shower. However, when I first awakened at around 1:30 I didn't want to get out into the cold and I didn't really want to rise out of sleep, so I spent several hours drifting in and out of sleep with the constant awareness that I wanted to get up and take a look at the sky sometime before dawn. When I finally woke up at 4:30 it wasn't because of needing to see the meteors... It was because I had just been attacked by Kali...a raging green eyed, red-haired kind of Irish Kali!

In my dream I had been discussing new work and travel plans with my seemingly understanding lover when I hesitated and began talking about why I couldn't do the things I was planning to do... At this, the lovely understanding lover transformed into the threatening, raging, terrifying female goddess that even crushes the great God Shiva under her feet. She screamed that I was "timid" as her eyes turned to green and yellow stars and her hair transformed into red flame...

That's when I woke up.

This isn't my first encounter with the Goddess of Creativity and Destruction. I first became acquainted with her when she crawled in and out of my bedroom window in a small hotel in Calcutta. I thought I was being attacked by demons, but over the several days I spent in her weird hometown (with her shrine and Mother Theresa's hospice sitting next to each other on the same block) taught me much about acknowledging and listening to The Shadow, and the experience ultimately launched me into a study of these dark manifestations of the Goddess (both in literature/religion and real life, but that's another story). This encounter also, ultimately, led me to the creation of my first screenplay; interestingly, a story that I thought about returning to and revising only recently. Perhaps last night's visitation was her move to get me to take up the task... Or perhaps she just showed up to do some mental and emotional house cleaning.

What I know about these visitations is that they always come when I begin a new creative journey, and that they are not to be taken lightly.

Like most women... Kali does not like to be ignored.

Once More With Feeling

It's been nearly 5 months since the last pot on this blog and with exactly 40 days to go before Christmas, I decided this morning that it makes for the perfect time to take this attempt at some sort of personally reflective and semi-disciplined practice into action one more time.

I have decided on a simplified form and - at least for the moment - very little expectation.

I have also decided on several daily elements:

1) Meditation
2) Exercise
3) Daily writing (and a specific time schedule)
4) Dedicated time for personal reflection, recreation, and rest
5) A structured approach to all the daily minutiae that is a clear, necessary, and inevitable part of life.

40 days of practice with the intention of seeing what develops. 40 days

This will be the last time I do this... I've been playing with these ideas for several years, and in public on this blog for a little over a year.

On December 25th, whatever the outcomes, I will finally put this blog to bed.

Music for The Journey

As a means of assisting myself mentally, and motivating myself emotionally, I almost always have some kind of music playing aorund me. For this most recent trip toward my most recent goals, I compiled a playlist of 100 songs for 100 days. the first song on the list was the tune I used to close the previous post, the finale from Stephen Sondheim's Sunday in the Park with George.

The last phrase there is one of the things that truly captures my imagination at moments like these.

"White - a blank page or canvas - his favorite; so many possibilities."

To kick things in gear after that I picked two songs that express the desire to get moving and get things done. Bruce Springsteen's Working on a Dream, the title tune from his most recent album, a song about a person holding hope in his heart and a hammer (or some other implement of construction and contemplation) in his hand.

I follow that with the Elvis mashup A Little Less Conversation, a rather ironic song to place in the mix considering the fact that almost everything I do gets talked to death before, during, and after the action. Nonetheless, the tune works for me as a reminder that talking (or blogging) isn't enough. The preparation isn't the race, the cooking isn't the meal. The road itself, the journey itself, may indeed be the destination, but even under that scenario one needs to be on the road; not sitting on the couch, or at the desk, contemplating the journey.

The song also happens to be the foundation of my favorite Nike commercial.

40 Days In... 40 Days Out

Forty days back, looking at 100 days to my 55th birthday, I set in motion a new plan.

I even included a soundtrack that I called 100 songs for 100 days (I'll post the playlist later.... hell maybe I'll even set it up on iTunes).

Today marks Day 40 of that 100 Day cycle and while I'm still listening to the music for multiple hours of the day while I work, and I'm still working on bits and pieces of the plan, the plan has suffered a bit as well.

But no more.

With 60 Days to go... I am actually left with 8 weeks of 5 day segments in which to conveniently form a routine that can even include breaks (and I have definitely discovered that BREAKS in these series are as vital as focused periods of effort... duh).

For the next three days I am preparing to launch a last 40 day plan on the way to my birthday on August 25.

The plan is going to be unique in that unlike my previous efforts (most of them documented here) I am keeping the structure of the program to Monday - Friday with ALL weekends between now and August 25th reserved for rest, reflection, relaxation, and revitalization. I am going to be working on goals I have set in seven areas (stolen from a talk by Jack Canfield). Those areas are:


Work
Relationship
Money
Physicality
Fun
Personal
Legacy

I'm not going to detail the three goals I have established in each of these areas (at least not right now) but I will do some reporting on the process. Some of these goals are quite long term, some are more mid-range (with target dates approximately a year away) and others are set for 60 days hence with my birthday as the target.

I am also following the advice of some other folks I've spent time with, read, and listened to and laying in a series of things I am going to STOP doing. The most significant of those to be revealed in more detail as we get closr to the date where it takes effect.

The primary point of this entire experiment is not really any different from what I was thinking when I first started this blog ten months ago. When I arrive at my immediate goal of this next 40 Days to Life plan I will bring the whole year long experiment to a close and will, shortly thereafter, take down the blog.

This is it... My 40 Day Swan Song.

Those who know me well, will not be terribly surprised that it begins with Sondheim.

Lent - Day 35 - The Things Left Undone

This Lenten season is rapidly spinning it's way down into Holy Week and most of my discipline during this year's season has consisted of regular acknowledgment to myself that I have not been particularly good at keeping any discipline.

As usual, I have had many intentions on my list. The most serious (and at the same time most traditional) was to stop eating meat during this time. While I have certainly cut down considerably, I have certainly not remained true to this chosen discipline.

I also had - as with so much of what I have talked about in this blog - many personal and professional goals I was desiring to wring out of my recalcitrant psyche, only to discover that, as my friend George Williamson likes to say, "I was born in sin."

It's my thought at this point that there may be something worthwhile in that awareness. Like the liturgical discipline in which one kneels to ask forgiveness for the things "we have done, and the things we have left undone." My greatest repentance this year certainly lies with what I have left undone and perhaps that's the way the universe really is, most of the time.

I could go on and on with regard to the things in my life (both recent and longstanding) that I have left undone, but I've decided that for my purposes here, I really have a single confession, and step of repentance, to make.

I have not loved writing with my whole heart.

I have spent pretty much all of my adult life imagining myself as some kind of writer, hoping to be that writer, and regularly pretending that I am, or was, or will be... that writer.

But something that I learned a very long time ago is that there is one thing that defines you as a writer and it's not the articles, essays, scripts, poems, and books you've written (and at one time or another I've written a fair share... clearly... I feel the need to find a way to defend myself even against my own accusations). There is one thing and one thing only that makes me - or anyone - a writer.

A writer... writes.

SO... today I am beginning again. I am dedicating myself to a daily "words on paper" (or screen) discipline of writing. From time to time different people have commented here about what I might, or might not, do. More than once it has been suggested that perhaps picking a SINGLE thing to work on would be of help in the process.

This time around, I'm taking that advice.

I've made up my mind on a schedule, a plan, a trajectory and an expectation, but THAT I'm not going to write about. I'm going to keep that to myself.

As I have with the other attempts at growth and discipline that I've delineated in this blog, I'll report back on my progress.

Dispatches, as it were, from the front lines of my personal literary (and disciplinary) war.

Lent - Day 8

One week of this deep 40 Day season and where am I?

As I sit at my computer, I am looking out at the giant oak tree in my back yard as the sun filters in through clouds and leaves and a lovely sun shower (something that I always remember fondly from childhood, but which rarely happens in Northern California) pelts down on the gables just beyond my window.

On the one hand, I am on the verge of economic panic as I struggle to find a way to pay my rent. On the other hand, I feel an incredible sense of peace.

For much of the last week I have been anything but calm. I have, like much of the culture, been captured during the last week in a frenzy of Twitter and that has done what so much of that type of thing does. It has left me feeling strangely detached and disjointed; much of the time I experience myself in a sort of disembodied cyber-tunnel.

I wonder what it would be like to truly remove myself from technology for a period of 40 days (or even a period of 3 days!). Many of these 40 Days posts have talked about my attempts (more or less successful) to remove myself from technology for ONE day and the fact is such experiences really do seem to help me reconnect to the earth and spirit at the center of my being. I can't help but imagine that a greater separation of the silicon based universe would lead to a greater connection to the carbon based universe. Moving away from the virtual world almost always reconnects me to the real world.

But then, even addressing things in this way raises (or more precisely re-raises) the basic existential questions at the core of everything we are. What is real? How can you tell? What will you do about it?

To me, this is the jewel at the heart of Lenten practice. It is a time for taking a look into the cave of existence to see what might be hiding in the shadows of your life, coaxing it out of it's hiding place and asking it to tell you something you don't already know (or that you have forgotten). It is my deepest belief that this is the heart of existence; this is what brings meaning to my life. It's not the rules I follow, the things I give up, the plans for new work and new goals and new things. It's finding the center and hanging out there for a while.

Then again... I still have to pay my rent.

The Great Journey of Lent

As some of you know, this whole experiment of 40 Day programs originates for me in the unique choice of 40 days as a time frame for various types of preparation in various spiritual traditions.

Today, being Ash Wednesday, begins one of those 40 day explorations that have been programmed into calendars for millenia.

So I've decided to try another reset-restart moment and begin anew the 40 days I started a couple of weeks ago. The difference this time is that I plan on taking this in a more internal, thoughtful, prayerful, restful direction. I've done a lot of big plans, big changes explorations and they've all met with varying degrees of success.

This time, I'm going to take a bit of E's advice (see... I really do pay attention from time to time) and move things to a slower, more reflective pace.

Personally... I'm curious to see where this takes me.

Act One - Groundhog Day Becomes A Love Supreme

As The Nord pointed out in his comment on the previous post, I'm now nearly two weeks into this new cycle... so what have I learned and how am I doing... any way?

Two weeks on... exploring the directions that I want to go, the last 12 days have been a definite first act, finding the characters, learning the landscape (again) spending time noticing what the content of my life is really about.

The supremely (the pun was unintended but I've decided to keep it anyway) beautiful "A Love Supreme" by John Coltrane is playing as I write this and the structure which Coltrane places into his musical magnum opus (and in my opinion, the best recording ever made) reflects most particularly what I am feeling at the moment... Acknowledgement is the name of the first movement, and acknowledgement - facing, looking, considering, and nodding at my life as if it is a friend on the other side of a crowded room - is what the last 12 days have been like.

Over the last two weeks I have been extremely busy with a recording project, a set of personal dramas within the local club I am a part of, raising money in order to get through the "new world order," and searching through the ways to put all my plans (enumerated below) into motion. It's been a frenetic, thoroughly unbalanced and only minimally productive period of time. There's a lot going on, but most days it really seems like sitting on a stationary bike, peddling my ass off, and getting absolutely nowhere.

So, yesterday, in the midst of all the craziness, I simply stopped to lift my head up and take a look around.

Acknowledgement:

1. an act of acknowledging.
2. recognition of the existence or truth of something: the acknowledgment of a sovereign power.
3. an expression of appreciation.
4. a thing done or given in appreciation or gratitude.

As in the beautiful pattern of Coltrane's piece, the first act is about recognizing the reality of the life I have. It's about looking, but not just looking, it's about SEEING what's in front of me. Only then is it possible to begin working with what's there. This is really not that different from what I was talking about in the last post. As I think about it, the key to the basic idea in Groundhog Day is that the main character must first notice what's going on before he can begin to transform that reality.

So there we are... Act One - Acknowledgement

Taking the time to look and to see
Paying attention to the patterns as they unfold
Recognizing what feels right
Seeking to find the thread

------------

Thanks again to The Nord. I discovered a new blog this morning by a photographer from San Francisco, Rebecca Jackrel, She is presently out on a true 40 Days to Life adventure, which frankly makes my repetitive attempts at a search for meaning seem like so much cream of wheat (and I really hate cream of wheat!).

From Groundhog Day to the Ides of March

So here we go again... It's Groundhog Day and as I mentioned in my Quicksilver blog, I've decided to use Punxatawny Phil's annual prediction to jump start another 40 Days to Life.

It's been just over a month since I abandoned the last program and in that time a lot of things have sprung up. It's been a chaotic, crazy, distracting time and I am feeling the need of a focus, a set of goals, and a plan to bring me back to some kind of driving potential that lets me feel like I'm "getting somewhere."

So what do I hope to accomplish this time around?

Here's my Day One list... It's in no particular order, and subject to change without notice.

Physical - I am FINALLY going to start running again - My 40 Day Goal is an across the Bay 12K on March 15.

Creative - I will finish the first draft of my novel, Dan and Dianne and the screenplay for The Reunion.

Business - Finish the incorporation of Quicksilver Amusements, select and begin ONE new production project. Begin the process of finding a new agent.

Educational - Begin learning French (again).

Income - I have an income goal, but I'm going to keep that to myself.

Personal - I will finish and submit my application for Irish citizenship. As with the above, I have other personal goals but I'm going to keep those to myself.

Spiritual - Continue daily meditation discipline - Journal at Bleeding Daylight.

Throughout the process, there are several things that I have picked up over the previous iterations of this process that work and that I intend to keep.

These include:

• A clear and intentional relational connection. I will actively engage and be involved with the people I have been given to inhabit and nurture my heart.

• Daily meditation practice.

• Continued attention to my diet and my health (most people probably do this as a matter of course... not me... I have to focus on it).

• Email/Internet discipline - Email checks three times a day... Weekly Digital Sabbath.

• Volunteer activities and charitable giving.

• A weekly afternoon committed to volunteering, personal growth, education, and friendship.

Here we go!

40.3.30 - Taking a HOLIDAY!

Okay... I should have known better than to take on yet another 40 day plan during the holiday season.

There's a reason it's called "THE HOLIDAY SEASON!"

Like I said in the previous post, winter is a time of hibernation and despite everything we as humans do to pretend like we are not subject to such "laws of nature" the fact is... we are.

SO... rather than continue battling the inevitable, I've decided to do what I have wanted to do for years. I'm declaring myself "on vacation" until January 15th. Unfortunately, this isn't going to mean that I get to go off to Hawaii for the next three weeks. It doesn't even mean that I will be able to drop out of several of my ongoing work projects, however, it does mean that I am going to take a break from 40 Days and I am going to spend a lot of time reflecting on what I've learned in these three series. I'll probably be blogging on that at least a little bit, so check back in from time to time.

I WILL be taking some significant periods of personal time to read, journal and plan for the new year. I am hoping to spend some days in my own retreat (either with a group or on my own) during this time, and I expect to start a new 40 Day series (or something similar that might grow out of these next few weeks of reflection) on Monday January 19.

In the meantime... HAPPY NEW YEAR!

40.3.20 - Halfway Home... Again

The third week of the third program was an interesting mix of personal struggle, and good movement forward. The winter tie (especially in a crisis economy) is not exactly the best time for trying to make progress on the business front. To a lesser extent it's also true of the personal front.

There's a reason animals go into hibernation in the winter!

Nevertheless... The up side of the week has been an incredible sense of clarity and groundedness in the midst of what, at previous points in my life, would have been devastating frustration and a likely derailment of everything I was working on.

I am absolutely not there this time, and the primary reason that I am not is because of the steadiness of these 40 Day programs. It certainly isn't magic... it's just forward movement.

In addition to this movement, I am also finding deeper and deeper solace in a wintry solitude. This experience tends to echoed on a daily basis by the readings I am doing in Thomas Merton and by the research I am doing to create a play on his life and death and the greater meanings therein.

With the arrival of the winter solstice I also arrive at one of my long time goals... a mid-winter vacation. It's not going to happen this year, at least not in the way that I might have hoped. However, i will be dropping some of the greater agitation of daily projects to spend more and more time thinking, reflecting, meditating, and writing.

If there is one thing that has come out of the entire 4 months of studying myself and tweaking this process, it is the strength and beauty of seeking, finding, and nurturing the central core of my being.

I feel as if I have once again come to the center of the labyrinth and it is time to stop, to center, and to look inward.

For the remaining three weeks of this series, THAT is going to be my primary activity.

That said... I have some big ideas too. I'll touch more on them next week.

40.3.15 - Safe!

As I mentioned while I was in the middle of it, the second week of this series has been something of a strange and somewhat frustrating experience, but here I am on another Monday... beginning the third week of this series, and the confusion has lifted considerably.

The weekend, while not as relaxing as most have been of late, proved to be the respite I needed. It was a place to center again, catch up on the stray pieces and settle the dust.

Starting this week, I am encouraged, focused, and excited.

Each step really does feel like it gets me closer... even when, at the time it's happening, I feel like I'm traveling in reverse.

40.3.11 - Channeling Dana Carvey

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with my brain on fire with things I need to do, hopes I hold, and just on the edge of worry over the near term fate of just about everything.

Somewhere within the 90 minutes between 4 am when I woke up and 5:30 am when I fell back to sleep, I heard the voice of Dana Carvey impersonating George The First, "Stay the Course... Thousand points o' light."

The thing is... I'm thinking that's just exactly right.

WIth this morning's meditation I picked up my small labyrinth and "walked the path" that literally kept me sane during the two years immediately following Katrina. As I moved along the circuit of the labyrinth it was clear to me again that one of the beauties of this discipline for me is the sense that you are going forward, moving in toward the center or out from the center, even when you've made a 180 degree switchback. You are closer to your goal, even when it seems you are farther away. In fact, the furthest point out on the circuit is just a short distance before you reach the center.

This awareness of progress when progress seems invisible is the awareness that really matters, especially when things look bad. Even when things don't work.

Keep moving forward... keep showing up... or as Tom Waits puts it, "Always keep a diamond in your mind."

40.3.10b - It's The Economy Stupid

This entire program of 40 Day slots has been integrally tied to, among other things, a process of getting my finances in order and following in on a whole collection of ways to plant myself more solidly on financial ground.

For the first series things went pretty well. For the second series enough was still working, and enough improvements had been made that I was feeling pretty strong and pretty positive despite the beginnings of truly dire economic circumstances.

At this juncture, this is no longer the case, and this week has been the perfect nightmare of complete financial, and subsequently planning, meltdown. Accounts that owe me money are not paying, and don't look like they are going to pay any time soon. Projects that were strong and on the table have been canceled or seriously dialed back and other plans that seemed virtually bullet proof two months ago are now hanging precariously off the cliff of "we're not sure what we're going to be doing in the next few months."

The effect of all this is to not only turn my financial plans into turmoil, but my emotional, spiritual, and practical plans as well.

In other words... this week has been something close to a complete meltdown.

So this is, as an old preacher I used to listen to always said, "where the rubber meets the road."

The real test of whether this structure I am trying to build my life around has any validity at all hangs completely on the question of whether I can keep my sanity, my personal strength, and my focus while everything around me is crashing down. Can I keep my commitments? Can I reach, at least some of, my goals?

The proof of whether any of the work I've done over the last 90 days is truly worthwhile will come now.

Will it help me through this quagmire?

Can I make it past THIS wall?

If I can... I think I'm home free!

40.3.10 - Every Human Has Rights

Every Human Has Rights - Campaign Highlights from Every Human Has Rights on Vimeo.

It may seem strange for me to put this video and this link on this blog (I've got so many other places I could put it), but I have a very definite reason for placing it here.

Today's 60th anniversary of the International Declaration of Human Rights is quite personal to me and it serves to accent one of the main goals that I have held at the forefront of the entire 40 Days program; a goal which I have yet to bring to fruition.

The goal itself is to give at least 10% of my income, and spend 10% of my time in the pursuit of a better way of living in this world and a better life for all. There have been times in the past when I have succeeded in giving away 10% of my income to worthy causes, and there have been other times when I have spent large amounts of time (significantly more than 10% probably) working for things that I believe make the world better.

However... I've had my mind and my time occupied with other things in recent years and I have not done nearly what I believe I should... or I want... to honestly improve the world, to seek the welfare of this blue ball I live on, and to work that all people are safe, and healthy, and maybe even happy.

This anniversary, and the work of those connected to this day, call me again to action.

This is a goal I MUST achieve.

What about you?

40.3.5 - Runnin' Down A Dream

One week down, and it's been an interesting week.

I've got a number of irons in the fire (not exactly an uncommon reality for me) and juggling those bits and pieces, or spinning the plates so they don't become bits and pieces... Let's just see how many metaphors we can slam into one sentence, shall we?

Beginning this plan for the third time back to back provides an interesting perspective since I don't really give myself time to slack off the basic process. As I have said before, there are some givens:

1) I have created, over the last 3 months, a basically solid platform from which to launch further efforts. This is something that I've never adequately done before and it's kind of startling what a difference it makes in my general mindset.

2) I have also gotten some of the detritus (emotional, relational, practical, and financial) of the last several years out of my way and like crawling on top of a hill to survey the landscape (I have been to the mountaintop! sorry... sorry), I am now able to see where I might go with significantly more clarity than at any time in my life. There's something to be said for getting rid of clutter... My grandmother used to say that if you've lost something, clean up the house. There's a line in one of my favorite films where Bill Bailey tells Bruce Dern, "Your mother always said that when you can't figure out your life... Clean up your nest."

I'm just sayin'.

In any case... the issue at this point in time is, as I have said before, where do I go from here?

One of the things that I'm relatively certain about is that I need to work with the goals and plans I have and set them up in some kind of order that distinguishes them into different aspects of my life.

What I'm saying here is that I have been self-employed in a multitude of activities (with varying degrees of success) for my entire adult life. While that has some serious lifestyle advantages, one of the more problematic issues in that arrangement is the fact that it's generally quite difficult to separate what I do from who I am. For a significant period of my life, that was okay... problematic, but okay. It seems to me that most people have an easier time with this because for them the distinction is already made... the "job" is the work and home is home. For me they almost always squish together.

What I have been learning of late is that there is great value in pulling them apart.

With this new process in which I have begun to figure out how to separate from my work... and separate my life from my work... I find that I need a clearer division, both for ME and for my WORK.

It's also clear that my DREAMS need this division.

There's a sense in which dreams (something everyone truly needs; they are the lifeblood of imagination) need attention and clarity to thrive. Dreams are the soft side... goals are where "the rubber meets the road" as they used to say.

So this is the next stage... the next connection. I am seeking in this phase to separate work and life. I'm not separating them completely (I really don't think I could), but I'm seeking to address them from separate areas of my brain. I am also seeking to set up clear goals with definite temporal targets... distinct objectives along the way... and ways to separate the different things I want to achieve so that they don't all glom together into one big tangled mess.

This is the trajectory for the next five weeks... Intentional and enthusiastic pursuit of the dream.

40.3.3 - Process Is Product

So here I am at the keyboard... three days into a new set of 40.

What do I have behind me?

I have a solid foundation of work (both creative work and practical/woodshedding work) on a schedule that, while it may sometimes get derailed temporarily by the exigencies of any given day, pretty much keeps me on track.

I have found a way to intentionally (rather than accidentally) find rest and nurturance in my hours, days, and weeks.

I have begun putting several bits and pieces of my life back together after letting them fall apart almost completely after Katrina and I have started work on physical and educational disciplines I keep talking about doing but rarely get around to.

Now I'm ready to do more.

One of my goals (perhaps the primary goal) for this time around is to continue whittling away at that schedule... increasing the time I spend on the creative and expansive while decreasing the time and increasing the productivity of the woodshed work. And that actually seems to be a lot of what this process is becoming across the board; a sort of chipping away at the extraneous material that fills up life without product, enlightenment, or reward, then honing down and polishing what's left in order to bring out the heart of what I want. It's not unlike the process of sculpting something in clay.

There is a very real sense in which it's beginning to look like The Process is the real point of the whole endeavor.

40.3.0 - Even So... Come

With a great ending to the last 40 days, and some additional elements that feel like they've filled in my foundation, I had planned to take December off and begin a new set come January. Stage Two, while definitely helpful to my process and VERY strong in getting me more grounded (maybe more grounded than I have ever been in my life!), was nevertheless a bit of a frustration and somewhat of a letdown.

But then... Somewhere in the afternoon of Saturday, I realized that today is the First Sunday of Advent, the lead up to Christmas, and the symbolic approach of the underlying creative force of all the Universe, arriving in a stable, in an overcrowded backwater, to two unassuming parents in the body of a crying, probably somewhat undernourished, less than perfectly behaved baby (oh yeah... SIlent Night I'm sure!) and I couldn't allow the moment to pass.

Advent is also the beginning of the ecclesiastical year, which is a worthwhile thing to think about, even if you don't like church, or christians, or religions, or god, goddess, or flying spaghetti monster. I am spiritually and intellectually pleased by the aesthetic of ushering in a new cycle around the sun with contemplation, attention, thought, prayer, and exuberance for, and anticipation of, the future. When confronted by the option of beginning another year with noisy crowds, copious amounts of alcohol and a morning bloody mary or three, a month of hope and dreaming seems to make a lot of sense.

So here I am, preparing for one more crack at the plan. This time I have a pared back list of goals, but that's because much of what I have been hoping to accomplish has in fact come to fruition, and laid the groundwork for now.

I can't think of a better time to start again, or a better way to celebrate Advent, the season of waiting, and preparing, for the culmination of creation.

Waiting and acting together, these are the forces that have set me on this path, and the disciplines that I am sure will bring me to my goal. What better time to be seeking that depth of my own creation? What better energy to apply to the task?

Even so...

Stage Two - Day 38 - Not With A Bang Nor With A Whimper

Despite the fact that there are two days of this 40 day series left, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the day after is a day off (at least for me it's gonna be a day off), so this really is... the end.

What have I accomplished this time around?

Not much!

The economic ground I gained in the first series has come crumbling down along with everyone else's economic fortunes during the last 6 weeks. The up side of this is that I developed some disciplines, some connections and some ways to keep paying attention to my finances during both of the last two series and they are helping me weather this storm much mo' betta than I would have otherwise, so that's progress me thinks.

I have finally - as I mentioned yesterday - gotten the DMV/Medical monkey off my back on the epilepsy front. That's not to say all of that is peachy keen, and I still really hate taking phenytoin for that problem, but it seems to remain my best option for the time being.

My biggest accomplishment, for both series, has been the discovery that I work better when I am relaxed. I have found that a dedicated habit of taking significant time off on the weekend, of consistently staying with meditation each day, and finding a way to steadily commit to writing time that is not to be interrupted by ANYTHING has produced the opportunity for more, better, and vitally fulfilling work and rest.

The downside has been that several things I wanted to complete remain still sitting on the table. Several things I started during the first series have been lost to entropy and torpor over the last six weeks... In other words, there've been a lot of ways I've failed in my plans this time around.

But most of all... and perhaps most effectively of all... I have figured out a system for getting myself back, and keeping myself, on track.

That's the greatest accomplishment and in the midst of what is otherwise a fair degree of individual and cultural chaos right now, I feel like I've made some significant breakthroughs.

Gotta think about those some more over the coming holiday weekend. Then I can begin to figure out what the next stage contains.

In the meantime... Happy Thanksgiving!