Days 38 & 39 - Wrestling at Peniel

One of my favorite stories in the Bible comes from the Genesis 32 where the story is told of Jacob wrestling with an Angel through the night and into the dawn.

In the story, the Angel tries a bit of trickery in order to get the upper hand; he wounds Jacob in the thigh. Jacob, however, struggles on, and when the Angel is frantic to go at the break of day, Jacob demands that the angel bless him. The angel asks Jacob his name and then transforms him with a new one... Israel, stating, "... for you have striven with God and with men and have prevailed." Jacob names the place where this nocturnal wrestling match occurred Peniel for, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved.”

It would seem that, both in "sacred" literature, as well as popular culture, Angels like to do battle with someone or some thing. It's in their nature. It's a metaphor for the struggle of existence... the move through each day... the search for something more. A search that is never really over and which most likely, as with Jacob, defines who we are.

That's been the nature of this whole past 6 weeks, but especially the last couple of days. By virtue of work and life, practical and impractical circumstances, the struggle to keep moving forward has indeed begun to feel like the sun rising over the horizon while I lie on the ground wrestling with some commanding, though mostly invisible, being. A being that I have a hold on, but which also has me; all the while, the outcome remains in doubt.

I don't know where to go from here. I'm pretty sure that it's not really even time to be asking that question, but that's the question that keeps coming up. As I slug through the last bits and pieces of my goals from six weeks ago, as I evaluate what I can still finish and what I will ultimately have to let go of or redefine, the thing that I feel most intensely is the need to remain clearly and intentionally here.. right now. In the battle.

Of course... with the battle... also comes the dancing.